I hope you like reading this open letter as much as I did. Enjoy.
Seen in the comments at the Washington Post
To the guy who tried to mug me in Georgetown last week:
I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize… I didn’t expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.
Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn’t that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn’t it?
I know it probably wasn’t a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I just couldn’t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.
I also took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas with your money – thanks. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by the 7-11, along with the rest of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.
And I’m sorry about your pants – I’d like to reimburse you for the detergent you used to wash them the needed several times. I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home barefoot and humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we’ll do lunch and maybe laundry again.
I think a social construct just met reality. Here’s a couple of examples of the junk that liberal professors teach: