Sex Dust and Vampire Repellent: (((Gwyneth Paltrow’s))) New LA Store Has a Satanic Vibe


It must have been easy for renowned actress Gwyneth Paltrow to become a Jew since her father, Bruce Paltrow, was an Ashkenazi Jew with roots in Eastern Europe. Her mother, actress Blythe Danner, is a Christian and as you know, to be a Jew at birth requires a Jewish mother. Gwyneth claims there’s 17 generations of rabbis in her lineage.

That may explain some of the crazy that’s associated with her.

The specific, Satanic-inspired craziness is New Age, where people put their faith in spells, magic, rocks, crystals, and other assorted

Ready to shove a magic rock in your vagina, ladies? Gwyneth Paltrow has just the rock for YOU!

Paltrow is an advocate of vaginal steaming (LOL; Look it up, I’m afraid to.)

Add Gwyneth Paltrow to the long list of loons we’ve featured here over the years. New Age crazy is even crazier than egalitarian crazy.

Excerpt from The Guardian

In the apothecary section, two young women were inspecting shelves with detox kits, Sex Dust, psychic vampire repellent and a shamanic pouch with healing stones that included “the goddess stone” chrysocolla.

In the kitchen area, a mother and her toddler daughter were leafing through coffee table books with titles like Foraged Flora, Sunday Suppers and Dinner Diaries: Reviving the Art of the Hostess.

Lilli Lee was in the living room area with her friends flicking through a clothes rack and lingered over a pair of lime-green trousers. She examined the price tag. “Three hundred dollars. Oh, am I in trouble?”

Lee wasn’t in trouble. She was in Gwyneth Paltrow’s new Los Angeles store, the alpha zen actor’s first permanent brick-and-mortar space of her lifestyle brand Goop, and apparently that felt pretty close to being in heaven.

“It’s just beautiful,” said Lee, 43, indicating the antique mantle, chandelier and blue and magenta wall coverings – all inspired, like the rest of the store, by the décor of a nearby bungalow owned by Paltrow.

The store, called Goop Lab, opened this week in Brentwood Country Mart, a cluster of boutiques in a plush, celebrity-filled neighbourhood near the Pacific Ocean which likes to call malls “marts”.

The shop is airy, bright and small, just 1,300 sq feet, with soft music and smiling, white-clad staff – a physical embodiment of the online store that inspires devotion for Paltrow’s vision of wellness and scorn for products such as jade stones which women are invited to insert into their vaginas.

“It’s all been choreographed by GP,” said Heather Taylor, a store manager, using a term of affection for her boss. “All the products are clean. They have nothing that could be harmful to the body.”

Some, however, may disembowel the wallet.

The entrance, which mimics a garden, offers “buttery and soft” deerskin gloves for $48, gold-handled floral scissors for $72 and the “prettiest compost bin ever” for $175.

Further inside, you find a pair of Portuguese napkin rings with images of sky blue swallows for $56 and a champagne flute for $180. A silk blouse costs $685; a floral dress $795.

The kitchen area is centred around an ivory and brass LaCanche oven where Goop food editors are due to cook and provide demonstrations. Paltrow’s image beams from the cover of her book, It’s All Good: Delicious Weekday Recipes for the Super-Busy Home Cook ($34).

To the store’s “guests” – they are not called customers – it was all good. Goop, which Paltrow started as a newsletter in 2008 and turned into a global brand, now had a sanctum: the artfully arranged flowers, the whimsical décor, the wares which promised to stop ageing and banish bad vibes.


“I think it’s all pretty positive and uplifting,” said Heidi Brecker, 36, a longtime fan, as she browsed some dresses . “Goop helps keep you young and fresh and vibrant.” Brecker, it should be noted, looked about 26.

The store’s vibe reminded her of London, where she used to live. “It feels very Westbourne Grove.”

One can only speculate what Little Nell would have made of a curiosity shop where nothing is supposed to grow old.

Brentwood Country Mart is sufficiently LA to have a sign in the car park reminding visitors they’re not at the beach: “Wear shirts and shoes. Leave dogs outside … No skateboards or rollerblades.”

During the Guardian’s visit, all Goop’s customers were slender white women, save the toddler, who seemed destined to become one. She rummaged through the kitchenware, picking items at random. “What have you got there, honey?” asked her mom. “Nice! You have good taste.”

Some guests came out of curiosity, but all felt Goop’s magic, said Taylor, the manager. “Nobody can come here and not buy anything. Everybody leaves with something.”

Walmart and Debenhams take note: options in the apothecary included jars of Sex Dust, “a lusty edible formula alchemized to ignite and excite sexy energy in and out of the bedroom” ($38) and bottles of psychic vampire repellent, comprising “sonically tuned gem elixirs” ($30).

Goop sounds to me like a big con job. But since Paltrow has her Jewish and Hollywood privilege I expect the police will turn a blind eye to the possible fraud being perpetrated here.

If Gwyneth’s vampire repellent doesn’t work, do I get my money back?

6 thoughts on “Sex Dust and Vampire Repellent: (((Gwyneth Paltrow’s))) New LA Store Has a Satanic Vibe

  1. Funny this should follow a John McCain story. The jokes just keep rolling on! McCain icoming on as a national hero full of valor, honor and impeccable integrity then Palthrowup with her 21st century voodoo. Two prime examples of what’s wrong with our country and what people are becoming. Fifty Shades of Crazy but they reserve the right to call themselves great. Actually, it sounds like Henry 8th and Alister Crowley teamed up and the slavering masses are standing around going ‘Oh and ah!’.

  2. If Herself can sell vampire repellant without raising any eyebrows,why can’t I buy a full auto zombie eliminator without jumping through a bunch of ATF generated hoops?

    After all the zombie eliminator I’d like to own has a better-than-half-a-century track record of proven performance,which I’m morally certain the vampire repellant lacks. Should this not count for something?

  3. And snatch rocks?

    I used to think that stupidity was the only element more common than hydrogen. But it’s looking like degeneracy is either right up there with stupidity,or at least in the “honorable mention” category.

  4. “Ready to shove a magic rock in your vagina, ladies?”
    I have something better, that rhymes. The purple headed warrior.
    Blue veined custard chucker.

  5. ““prettiest compost bin ever” for $175.”

    “There’s a sucker born every minute” is a phrase closely associated with P. T. Barnum, an American showman of the mid-19th century, although there is no evidence that he said it. Early examples of its use are found instead among gamblers and confidence men.

    USA, USA, USA! Firstest and bigliest with the mostest!

    (((Gwyneth Paltrow))) – born in LA – city of shits!

Leave a Reply. Comments Policy Forbids Insulting Other Commenters.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s