A woman who says she’s not a Jew writes that Jesus would stand by and watch every shred of decency in a Christian culture be obliterated.
Jesus, you see, was a Negroid cultural Marxist.
Don’t laugh. The Pope probably agrees with her.
A Gentle Reminder That Jesus Was A Brown Middle Eastern Refugee Who Would Not Have Voted For Trump
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He might have flipped over some tables at Mar-a-Lago, though.
Jesus was a brown Middle Eastern refugee child of Jews (Islam didn’t exist yet, something I had to point out to a guy who said “well they weren’t Radical Islamists”) who was born in a stable because there was no room at the inn. We’re clear on that, right? That’s the origin story of our nation’s favorite superhero.
And then he grew up to offer free healthcare and protest against a colonial occupying power as well as its manipulative local patsies. We get that, right?
And he died, murdered by conservatives who preached the rule of a police state over compassionate humanity. You understand that’s what you learned in church, right? That’s what that story is about.
Jesus was a lot of things. He was not a conservative.
Many folks rightly point out that the Bible is an assembly of myths and fables and stories that cannot be proven true. It’s been edited over and over and over again by countless folks (read: men, mostly) and it’s been a political tool from the very start. But if you say, “Who cares about the Bible?” my response is, “Most folks in the US of A, actually.” Believers are a vast and diverse group. Many of them are progressive, liberal, or moderate. And when the GOP is run by charlatans who wield the name of Christ as a weapon, the Bible does matter. Very much.
Mind you, I’m not sure if Jesus would’ve voted at all. He probably would’ve been off somewhere with Doctors Without Borders, bringing medicine to the most vulnerable people in the world. (And you can donate to them here.) Or perhaps he would’ve been building homes for Syrian refugee children. Probably would’ve been doing something wonderful for poor children, is what I’m saying. Unlike Donald Trump, to whom the Lord would’ve likely had something to say about a camel going through the eye of a needle.
I am 100% sure he would not have voted for a guy who talks about how impoverished Mexican economic refugees are “rapists.” He wouldn’t have voted for the guy who talks about grabbing “pussy,” sexually assaulting women, sexually harassing women, and so on and so forth. I’m pretty sure of that. Jesus wasn’t a slut-shamer and he wasn’t a body-shamer. Too busy healing the sick kids with the free healthcare and the such. Plus, he was kind to women, even women folks denigrated or shunned. He treated them like humans. He stood up for scared, vulnerable people. And he never said a word about men who fall in love with men or women who fall in love with women.
On a personal note: if you come at me using the Bible as a prop to spew your xenophobia, your racism, your stupidity, your hatred of science and reason, your rage at the existence of poor folks who don’t look like you, and your woman-hating bullshit, I will take it from you and smack you back. I may as well use my childhood indoctrination for some good. It delights me when they look at a queer feminist progressive and think I can’t play. I used to win Bible challenges in catechism class all the time. I was raised on this shit.
P.S. I’m sorry, evangelical conservatives: some Catholics actually DO read the Bible. More than one Bible, actually. I know it’s weird.
Sorry, I get my theology from serious male theologians who’ve spent their lives studying religion. I don’t get my theology from women comedians.
As much as I wished the writer of this hate speech were an ugly freak like Lena Dunham or Rosie O’Donnell, she’s not. In fact, she’s pretty attractuve.
I know. That makes me a sexist pig to say that.
So, remembering that she’s not a Jew, would you be interested, guys? I would be. If I could figure out a way to shut her up.